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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29404848">Beyond the Veil</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfgang_in_the_Stars/pseuds/Wolfgang_in_the_Stars'>Wolfgang_in_the_Stars</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Cold Green Eyes [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(mostly), Alternate Universe, Angst, BAMF Haruno Sakura, Blood and Gore, Body Horror, Canon-Typical Violence, Danzou Is His Own Warning, Haruno Sakura-centric, I still don't describe people using, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Mental Instability, POV Haruno Sakura, Rats, References to Drugs, Root - Freeform, Scars, Some Plot, Strong Haruno Sakura, looking canon dead in the eyes while I murder it, prosthetic, there may or may not be romance i dunno but it won't be important in any case</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:21:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,977</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29404848</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfgang_in_the_Stars/pseuds/Wolfgang_in_the_Stars</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sakura is officially 13, technically 14, and she just wants to keep her loved ones safe and maybe sleep for a year or two. </p><p>Unfortunately, some people in the shadows have other plans for her. And they won't take no for an answer.</p><p>(But Sakura doesn't care for masks anymore.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gaara &amp; Haruno Sakura, Haruno Sakura &amp; Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura &amp; Karin, Haruno Sakura &amp; Mitarashi Anko, Haruno Sakura &amp; Shiranui Genma, Haruno Sakura &amp; Uchiha Sasuke &amp; Uzumaki Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Cold Green Eyes [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2096523</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>160</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi! I'm back! And I fixed my quotation mark problem, as in, I'm now using English quotation marks. Yay ^^<br/>I didn't think it would take me that long to post this, but life got in the way ;w; I won't make any promises in terms of how often I can update, considering I'm working a full time job + writing my masters thesis + doing some other work. But I do like writing, so I'll try to update as often as I can! I hope you'll like this second part of the series :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a cold winter day, early February. The sun was shining bright, its cold light reflecting on the snow covered fields. The sky was an unending gradient of blue. </p><p>Sakura was quite fond of winters. She liked snow, and she found comfort in the quietness and slowness of the cold season. Winters meant introspection, warm times with loved ones and rest in preparation for warmer days. </p><p>This winter was different. The crisp winter air of this beautiful day wasn’t enough to brighten Sakura’s mood. </p><p>Her anxiety was a roaring, greedy beast, turning her guts to acid, making her breath short, short-circuiting her mind. Sakura was seated in a carriage, and the muffled clops of the horses’ hooves on the frozen road were a lullaby that kept luring her to the deepest, darkest parts of her mind. Next to her was Lady Azumi, her <em>client</em>, whose cruel eyes held nothing but judgement. </p><p>Lady Azumi was either a rich merchant, or she was very good at acting like it. She was haughty, and had barely talked to Sakura so far. She looked at Sakura like she could read her nerves and was judging her for them. </p><p>Sakura didn’t care. This was a staged mission, and she was effectively betraying her Village. Lady Azumi could judge her all she wanted, Sakura had more important concerns.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yoshida was a prosperous merchant town located in the middle of the main road connecting the Land of Fire to the Land of Lightning through the Land of Hot Water and the Land of Frost. The road was the most travelled one in all of the Continent, and even the failed kidnapping of the Hyuuga heiress by Kumo when Sakura was three hadn’t dampened that.</p><p>As a general rule, shinobi business was shinobi business. Merchants’ business, however, was everyone’s business. Even shinobi needed food and weapons of good quality. So, although the Hidden Village of the Leaf despised the Hidden Village of the Clouds, their respective countries had maintained trade. The Land of Fire couldn’t afford to lose its main trading partner, and neither could the Land of Lightning. </p><p>Due to the festival, which was the official reason for this mission, Yoshida was full to the brim with tourists and merchants. The atmosphere was light and happy. </p><p>Sakura couldn’t have felt more uncomfortable or out of place. </p><p>They arrived to the inn late in the evening. "With me, Sakura-san," Lady Azumi said. Sakura bowed and followed her to her private quarters on the first floor. Lady Azumi left the other guards at the door. The door closed behind them, and she pointed at a drawer against the wall. </p><p>"Move it to the side," she said. </p><p>Sakura sighed inwardly. Lady Azumi was bossy. She obeyed, still. </p><p>The drawer revealed a door, which was barely visible as it didn’t have a handle and was in the same material as the wall. Lady Azumi moulded her chakra in a specific way, which Sakura didn’t have the time to analyse before the door opened silently. Sakura’s breath hitched. </p><p>Fuck.</p><p>So, this was it? She was <em>so, so not ready</em>. This was really happening. A second ago, she’d been in that damn carriage, spacing out while looking at the snow covered scenery. And now she was here, about to lose a leg. And gain a new one. Fuck. <em>Fuck</em>.  </p><p>"The Master is waiting," Lady Azumi said, pulling her out of her thoughts. </p><p>Sakura didn’t move. </p><p>Lady Azumi frowned. Sakura swallowed hard. </p><p>"Go,"  Lady Azumi snapped. "It is too late to change your mind now. Go in, or gods help me I will strangle you with your own intestines for making the Master waste his time." </p><p>Sakura blinked. Her lips twitched at the threat. Definitely not the most creative she’d heard. She grounded her mind in the moment: the cold air coming from the open door, the impatient energy Lady Azumi was exulting, her heart beating too fast in her chest. </p><p>She took a step forward, then another. She went through the door, then down the unlit stairs. The door closed silently behind her, and she was in the dark. </p><p>The only way was forward, she reminded herself. </p><p>She went down, down, down. </p><p>Lower than the ground flour. Much lower than that. The air was cold and slightly humid. She’d thought hell would be warmer.</p><p>The steps stopped abruptly and she was facing what felt to the touch like a closed door. She couldn’t really see anything. She was feeling claustrophobic. She could barely breathe around the lump in her throat. </p><p>She scanned the area for chakra signatures, but whatever was on the other side of the door was protected from sensing. </p><p>She bit her lower lip. Tears were gathering in her eyes, and she blinked them away. </p><p>She knocked. </p><p>The door slid to the side. </p><p>A grey-blue eye blinked at her, too close for comfort. She stumbled back. </p><p>"Oi," the person exclaimed, surprised. "You’re a child, yeah!" </p><p>Sakura’s left eye twitched. She couldn’t cry. She couldn’t scream. She couldn’t show weakness. </p><p>In a way, it was the same as a fight. She had to find her calm, to focus on the task at hand. </p><p>Sakura breathed in and out. </p><p>"Yo," she said with an easy smirk. It was too dark for the stranger to notice how pale she was. To notice she was trembling. To notice her eyes were unfocused and she was this close to losing the tight grasp she held her control in. </p><p>"How about you let me in, blondie?" </p><p>The stranger raised a perfect eyebrow. "Blondie, uh?" Sakura raised an eyebrow in turn. They smirked. "I like your guts, yeah. Come in." </p><p>The stranger stepped back, and Sakura went in. The room was well-lit, and it looked halfway between a hospital room and a workshop. </p><p>Her heart twisted painfully as she remembered Sabi’s workshop. </p><p>She breathed in and out, and looked back at the stranger in front of her. They were eyeing her shamelessly. </p><p>"So you’re the client, yeah? You can call me Deidara, kid," they said. </p><p>Deidara had long, blond hair, the shade closer to Naruto’s than Ino’s. It was put in a low braid, with some locks left free, hiding their left eye. Their right eye was grey-blue, with black eyeliner that made it look longer. They looked amused and relaxed, but their eye was cold and serious. </p><p>They were dangerous. </p><p>"I’m the client," Sakura confirmed. </p><p>The hair on her neck stood on end at once. Sakura didn’t dare look away, but she could feel a presence behind her that hadn’t been here before. </p><p>"Sakura-san," a raspy voice said. "Do you have the information we agreed upon?" </p><p>Sakura didn’t move. She looked Deidara dead in the eye and smiled sweetly. "Of course," she said. "It’s rude to show up empty-handed." </p><p>The presence disappeared and reappeared next to Deidara. It was a big, cloaked shape that didn’t feel entirely human. "I am Sasori of the Red Sand," the voice said. "Give me the information, then we’ll get down to business." </p><p>"Absolutely not," Sakura replied with her smile still in place. "I don’t trust you. I’m not giving you anything before I have some insurance you’ll do your part." </p><p>They stood in silence for a minute or two. A bead of cold sweat made its way down her back. </p><p>"The surgery is a two-time procedure. First, I’ll implant the port. Then, once the nerves are well connected and have recovered enough, I’ll slot the prosthetic." </p><p>The voice paused.</p><p>"You will give me the information after I implant the port, if you survive the surgery. If I find it lacking, I will kill you." </p><p>"We have a deal," Sakura said pleasantly. </p><p>Deidara looked between the two of them. "Am I the only one wondering why you need a prosthetic when you have two legs?" </p><p>Sakura smiled. "I will lose it as soon as you are ready for the procedure. Do not worry about it, Deidara-san. I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t <em>really</em> about to lose a leg." </p><p>Deidara shrugged and turned to leave. "Whatever, yeah. Call me when you need me, Master Sasori," he said with a casual wave. </p><p>Sasori turned as well. "Follow me." </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sakura was strapped to a table. It wasn’t particularly comfortable. </p><p>"Are you ready?" She asked Sasori. </p><p>The cloaked form rose and <em>opened</em>. It revealed a doll-like figure with hair the colour of sunset and grey, lifeless eyes. Sasori walked to the table. "Yes," Sasori said. He sounded impossibly young. He was supposed to be sixty. </p><p>Sakura didn’t have time for this. </p><p>"When I come back," she said, "my leg will be freshly cut. I will be bleeding heavily." </p><p>Sasori stared at her impassively. Sakura sighed before closing her eyes. She reached inward, for the bond she could always feel with Gizaman. She followed the connection, and when she opened her eyes again, she was in front of the Rat Queen. </p><p>"Sakura," the Rat Queen greeted her. "It is good you didn’t forget." </p><p>Sakura ground her teeth. She breathed in and out, slowly. She couldn’t let rage and fear consume her. She took all these emotions, folded them neatly and put them in a small, dark corner of her mind. She cloaked herself in coldness and indifference, and looked up at the Rat Queen. </p><p>"I would be grateful if you could send me back right after," she said evenly. </p><p>The Rat Queen looked satisfied. "So you found a solution? Clever child." </p><p>Then she moved, too fast for Sakura to follow. She sat back on her throne. "Good luck, child." </p><p>Sakura registered the leg in her hand at the same time her brain registered she was missing a limb. </p><p>The pain blossomed, and her body tried contort itself but she couldn’t move. She was back in the underground room, strapped to the table. Everything was pain. </p><p>Pain, so much pain, <em>make it <strong>s top</strong>.</em> </p><p>She was on fire. She was being boiled alive. Her heart was exploding in her chest. She heaved a breath and choked. She was being drowned. </p><p>She screamed her throat raw. </p><p>They put something in her veins. Something to make her stay awake. She wanted nothing more than to pass out, just so that the pain would go away for a while. </p><p>But she stayed awake. She cried and cried but there was only pain. She was convulsing and it hurt – everything hurt.</p><p> </p><p>After long hours, they told her it was done. They injected her something else, and she welcomed the darkness. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Karin pushed her glasses up. The air was cold and humid, and she fought a shiver. </p><p>She’d been waiting in this tree for hours. </p><p>But what the boss wanted, the boss got, and it wasn’t like Karin had anything better to do with her time.</p><p> </p><p>All Hidden Villages were the same. The Leaf liked to delude themselves into thinking they were better than the others – they were not. </p><p>If anything, their superiority complex made them more prone to blinding themselves in their self-righteousness. They were the true monsters, the ones who didn’t even realise their wrongness. They were the more dangerous ones. </p><p>Not that Karin cared, not really. </p><p>All Hidden Villages were the same, but the Leaf was slightly better for her. She was an Uzumaki. In most Villages, it meant being exploited. Here, the guilt they still felt after letting their sister Village be razed to the ground worked in her favour. </p><p>The gods knew she needed all the advantages she could get. </p><p>Still, all Hidden Villages were the same. They didn’t trust anyone, not even their own. They couldn’t, wouldn’t trust her before they thoroughly investigated her case. Which could not be done yet, as the Village was still recovering from the Invasion.</p><p>They had given her a temporary citizenship, not caring it didn’t allow her to work, and had told her her case would be examined in six months. </p><p>Karin was fine with that. After her mother’s death, she’d lived in slumps. She’d stolen, lied, manipulated to survive. Six months without money was nothing to her. She was a survivor, and she’d survive this fucking Village. </p><p> </p><p>And it was still better than being bitten in the arms all day long by those Kumo fuckers she wanted dead. </p><p> </p><p>Now that she had a boss, though, she didn’t really have to worry about money anymore. Her boss wasn’t nice, far from it, but she was fair. She rewarded good services, and Karin was good at what she did. </p><p>Some would argue she was the best. Karin would say she still had room for improvement. </p><p>In any case, the boss was satisfied with her work. Which meant she paid her well. And it was good training for Karin, for when she’d be a proper shinobi for this wretched Village. </p><p>She didn’t know she’d like her life more when that happened. </p><p> </p><p>Part of the rock wall Karin had been observing started shimmering and Karin stopped breathing for a second. It looked like the rock was becoming transparent. Karin itched to go take a closer look, but she had orders. </p><p>Some of those orders involved not getting caught, so she wouldn’t take risks. In this tree, with her chakra suppressed into non-existence, she was as safe as she’d get. </p><p>So she didn’t move, but she observed and committed every detail to memory. </p><p>It took two and a half seconds for the shimmering portion of the rock wall to fully disappear. It revealed a tunnel that looked like it was going down. The tunnel was around two meter high and one and a half meter large. </p><p>A four-person unit exited the tunnel. Three of them were wearing black travel cloaks, the last one a white one. They all had white masks with two holes for the eyes and different markings in colour. They left quickly and it took the rock two and a half seconds to be fully opaque again. </p><p>Karin waited a few minutes, then she pulled out a notebook and wrote everything down.</p><p>She wouldn’t let Sakura down. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Karin took a large bite in the apple she’d just stolen. She smiled as she appreciated the sweet juiciness of it. Technically, she didn’t really <em>need</em> to steal anymore. </p><p>Not now that she was working for Sakura. </p><p>But it was best to save money when she could. She may be employed, but there was no guarantee the boss wouldn’t get arrested at some point. </p><p>She was a criminal after all. </p><p>Deep down – not that she’d ever admit it at loud, even if pressed – she didn’t think Sakura would. Sakura was smart, and she knew what she was and wasn’t capable of, what she could get away with and what she couldn’t. And although she could be impulsive, she managed her impulsivity well. </p><p>Karin could admit it to herself: she was rather impressed with her boss. </p><p> </p><p>Sakura was a conundrum. All Hidden Villages were the same, and there were many different types of shinobi. Sakura was still something of an anomaly. </p><p>She was ruthless but not overly cruel. She didn’t care about the law, about her Village, about being respectable or whatever, yet she still had something of a moral code. She had goals, and there wasn’t much she was unwilling to do to meet them, but she didn’t force others pas their boundaries. She put her interests first, and didn’t mind getting her hands dirty.</p><p>
  <em>(She wasn't a hypocrite like the rest of this Village.)</em>
</p><p>Sakura was something of an anomaly because she had the mentality of a missing nin, yet she’d somehow managed to convince everyone she was a loyal, law-abiding shinobi. Karin respected that a lot.</p><p>Their association had started a few months ago, when they’d run into each other on the rooftop of a warehouse in Akasen. A fateful meeting on an otherwise usual day in Karin’s life.</p><p>
  <em>The day was ending, the sudden decrease in pressure promising rain in the evening. Karin shivered, and wished the people she was spying on would be done with their meeting already. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A familiar chakra signature landed silently on the roof, and Karin froze. Sakura…? Sakura promptly made her way under the roof and lay on a girder not too far from Karin. Karin forced her racing heart to calm down. What was Sakura doing here? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The meeting started and Karin paid close attention to the exchanges. Information meant money, and Karin was slowly becoming a trusted source in Akasen. Which meant more money, but also more risks for her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The meeting ended, and Karin beat Sakura to the rooftop.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But it wasn’t Sakura, not really. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, it was her chakra alright. But it felt different, like it was vibrating at a different frequency. Her energy felt rawer, unhinged and volatile. She was wearing a Mask, too, and it felt important. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sakura?" Karin said lowly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not-Sakura froze for a second, then they gestured at her to follow. Karin frowned at that, yet she followed Not-Sakura. She was curious, she had no idea what was going on. </em>
</p><p><br/>
(Information meant money and money meant survival.)</p><p><br/>
<em>They stopped near the riverbank. Not-Sakura put her hands in her pockets and turned to face Karin.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Do you want a job, Karin?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karin didn’t let her surprise show on her face. "Depends on the job," she answered evenly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Join my gang." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karin stared at her. "What would that… entail?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Right now, I need information. And new recruits. You wouldn’t be allowed to reveal my identity. You’d get paid, obviously." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karin adjusted her glasses. "I can’t afford to get caught," she said, because it was true. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not-Sakura barked a laugh. It was coloured with amusement, and something darker. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Neither can we. We don’t do too much illegal shit, don’t worry," she said. Karin wondered who that "we" was. Not-Sakura paused, then she cocked her head to the side. "Or, more accurately, we don’t do too much immoral shit. The laws of Akasen aren’t that same as those of Konoha anyway." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karin pushed her glasses up and thought hard about the offer. Not that there was much to consider. She needed the money, and she was good at gathering information. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Okay," Karin said eventually. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not-Sakura barked another laugh. She sobered before saying: "Don’t let me down, Karin, and I won’t let you down either. You better not betray me. It wouldn’t be in your best interest." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karin stared at her evenly, before nodding slowly. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>So far, Sakura hadn’t let Karin down. She’d given Karin food, had helped her find a day job. She’d showed her where to sleep without attracting unwanted attention. She’d taught Karin about the Village, the people in it. Who to avoid, who not to try to lie to, who could be easily fooled. </p><p>And Karin had done her best not to let Sakura down either. </p><p>Karin mostly dealt with Sakura – she hadn’t seen much of Not-Sakura after their first meeting. Sakura would pick Karin up after her late-night shift at a seedy bar in Akasen, and she’d ask Karin to look into some things for her. </p><p>She’d been looking for something at the time, and she had been thorough. She hadn’t shared with Karin what her goal was, but Karin hadn’t really cared. She still didn’t. </p><p>But now the boss was gone, on a B-rank mission or so was the official story, and it was up to Karin to maintain the fragile network they’d been building for the past few months. It wouldn’t do to have their hard work fall to the ground. </p><p>She wouldn’t let Sakura down.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The pain receded, eventually. Sakura’s body was full of tremors, her nerves raw and painful. She opened her eyes at last, and all she saw was white. She let her tears fall.</p><p>There was something in her mouth. She tried to remove it, but she was still tied to the table. She moved her head to the side, and was greeted by two feet with black nail polish. She looked up, and Deidara was looking at her with a smile. </p><p>He took off the gag – to prevent her from biting off her tongue, she realised. "I honestly thought you’d die, yeah," he said cheerfully. </p><p>"Water," she whispered. Her vocal cords were too sore to use. </p><p>Deidara-san brought her a glass with a straw and helped her drink. </p><p>She sighed. She wouldn’t be able to talk properly for a while. Her eyelids were heavy, and the darkness was calling her back already. </p><p>She closed her eyes.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kakashi opened the door to his apartment, and found it empty. He dropped a large envelope on the kitchen table and slumped on one of the chairs. He sighed. He’d grown used to having Sakura around. </p><p>He’d been so sure she’d finally leave him after he’d told her he wasn’t her sensei anymore. He’d said that to hurt, after all.</p><p>
  <em>(Kakashi had never been a nice person, and he’d never pretended to be one either.)</em>
</p><p>He’d been so sure she’d leave him alone after that. He didn’t want her to leave, but it was safer. Safer for her, and safer for <em>him</em>. He didn’t know he could cope with losing anyone again.  </p><p>Except she hadn’t left. The Sakura he’d gotten to know was fiercely loyal. And, somehow, he’d become one of the people she cared about and was loyal to. He’d hurt her, he knew, yet she had refused to leave. </p><p>And, in turn, she’d become Pack. He trusted her to have his back, and trusted her skills. Sakura was strong and hard-working, and she was smart too. But more than that, he genuinely liked her. She was snarky and funny, and they had the same shitty sense of humour.</p><p>So, even if he wasn’t sure he deserved it, he’d decided to do his best to be worth her trust. This Village had taken everything from him. Truth be told, he hadn’t cared enough after losing everyone to protect whatever he had left. To protect himself. </p><p>He wouldn’t let them take Sakura. </p><p>Kakashi opened the large envelope and retrieved the apprenticeship forms. He let out a heavy sigh. He’d hated being a sensei. He’d been terrible at it, too. He didn’t want to go back to that stilted, uncomfortable relationship with Sakura. </p><p>He didn’t have too, though. </p><p>Putting the apprenticeship forms on the table, he retrieved the forms left in the envelope. </p><p>A formal declaration of partnership. </p><p>He couldn’t, wouldn’t be Sakura’s sensei again. Being his senpai was alright. Changing their dynamic when they’d just found this new balance was a risk, but… </p><p>But if it meant Sakura would be protected, it was one he was willing to take. </p><p>What he was planning to do was unheard of. Shinobi often kept working together with their genin team, even if the members advanced in rank. If they didn’t – which happened more often than genin hopefuls were led to believe – then they started working with other people. In Konoha, most shinobi worked in a team of at least two. </p><p>
  <em>(Kakashi was an exception, not the rule. But who’d want to work with Friend Killer Kakashi anyway?)</em>
</p><p>It was quite natural to make a partnership official after a while. It ensured you’d go on missions with people you trust and were comfortable with most of the time. </p><p>But no one had declared someone as their apprentice and partner at the same time. A partner was someone you trusted, someone you worked well with. An apprentice was someone whom you taught things, someone who needed protection still.</p><p>It was a risk, because he and Sakura had never gone on real missions together. It was a risk, because he sucked as a sensei. But Sakura was a clanless chuunin, and Kakashi was many things, but stupid wasn’t one of them. He knew clanless chuunin had a lower life expectancy than clan-affiliated ones. He knew clanless chuunin were unlikely to be recommended for the jounin exam. </p><p>Sakura was in enough danger as it was. He’d protect her as much as he could. </p><p>
  <em>(He knew she’d do the same for him.) </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sakura woke up and immediately closed her eyes again against the harsh light. </p><p>"Fuck," she said, her voice croaky. </p><p>"Oi, you’re awake!" Deidara said. He was painting his nails, the chemical smell mixing poorly with the heavy stench of blood and sweat. He inspected his handwork and smiled approvingly. </p><p>"I’ll give you water when these are done drying," he said. "I wouldn’t want to mess up my hard work, yeah." </p><p>Sakura didn’t bother replying. She was still full of tremors, and her hands kept jerking on their own every few seconds. She was exhausted, and everything hurt. She didn’t try to look at her missing leg, lest she freaked out. </p><p>Deidara brought her water five minutes later. She drank slowly through the straw. </p><p>"Can you talk? Master Sasori’s getting impatient, yeah. I’m tired of him bitching all day long." </p><p>Sakura blinked slowly. It was hard to think around the pain. After a long while, she nodded. </p><p>Deidara put the bed in a sitting position with the remote on the side. Sakura noted distantly that she was on a proper hospital bed now, and that her arm was connected to an I.V drip. </p><p>Deidara left her to fetch Sasori, and Sakura looked down absently. Her eyes stopped on her missing limb. </p><p>Fuck. </p><p>She stared at the abrupt end of her thigh, which was wrapped in bandages. The Rat Queen had cut just above the knee. </p><p>Sakura stared. She was missing a leg, yet it was almost like she could still feel it. </p><p>Sakura stared and stared. Her mind struggled to make sense of what she was seeing. </p><p>Her leg was gone. Her leg was <em>gone</em>. Her <em>leg</em> was –</p><p>"Do try not to die now, Sakura-san. Breathe." </p><p>Sakura sucked in a breath at the familiar command. Light-headed, she rested her head against the bed. She closed her eyes and took a minute to breathe in and out. </p><p>"Hello, Sasori-san," she said. Gods, she hated how she sounded. Talking hurt her sore throat. </p><p>Sasori handed her the scroll she’d brought with her. She accepted it, and tried to bite her thumb but her hand wouldn’t fucking stop trembling. Sasori sighed impatiently. He took her hand and pricked a finger with a kunai. </p><p>"Thanks," Sakura mumbled, frustrated. </p><p>She reached for her chakra next and found it reluctant. Chaotic. She frowned. She’d been injured before, but her chakra had never reacted like this. She closed her eyes to better focus on what was going on. </p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><p>Her chakra was trying to circulate like it was used to. Except Sakura was missing a limb, and her entire system was disrupted because of it. Relearning how to circulate her chakra through what was left of her so that it would be natural and instinctive once more would be hell. </p><p>
  <em>(But she’d find a way, because she was a Rat, and Rats were survivors.)</em>
</p><p>She managed to gather chakra in her hand and unsealed the scroll. She handed it back and Sasori left without saying a word. Deidara followed after him, humming softly. </p><p>Sakura didn’t have time to panic. Her eyes closed on their own accord and she was gone.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
Gaara was staring at the sky. He was alone, on one of the rooftops of the Village. The sun was rising, and it was a beautiful sight. Despite himself, his thoughts brought him back to the only time in his life he’d shared the sunrise with someone else. </p><p>Someone who wasn’t out to kill him. </p><p>Gaara wondered what Sakura was up to. She had no survival instincts, but she wasn’t weak. He hoped she was still alive. Maybe he’d write her a letter, have it deliver by falcon…? </p><p>Maybe it was ridiculous. They weren’t even friends.</p><p>
  <em>(He still didn’t understand what it meant to be friends.) </em>
</p><p>Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe they were. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It took a week for Sakura to manage to stay awake for more than a few minutes at a time. After that, Sasori deemed her ready for the second part of the procedure. </p><p>"This is the prosthetic," he said in a monotone. Deidara was standing next to him, admiring his work. </p><p>The metallic structure of the prosthetic mimicked the bone structure of her leg. It was covered in a  light green, gel-like material. </p><p>"Once the nerves and chakra pathways from the port are properly connected with the prosthetic, I’ll activate the seals here. The seals will be sustained with your chakra to ensure it looks like your real leg." </p><p>Sakura couldn’t help but be impressed by the ingenuity. </p><p>"I assume the information satisfied you, then," she said. </p><p>"It was adequate," Sasori replied flatly. He removed the bandages to inspect the port. Sakura looked at the gruesome connection between the angry red scar scar tissue and the metal of the port. Nausea overwhelmed her and she gulped. This was her body. This new scar was part of her, now. </p><p>"I’ll connect the prosthetic now." </p><p>Sakura didn’t have time to brace herself as Sasori did as he said in a firm gesture. Her back arched against the pain she immediately felt. Her body was on fire, and she could do nothing against the spams that were shaking her. </p><p>The pain receded after a few minutes, though it didn’t leave her. She felt sick and weak. A whimper escaped her lips. </p><p>Sasori stood up. "You will stay on observation today and tomorrow, your body still might reject the procedure. After that, you will need physiotherapy." </p><p>Sakura blinked slowly at him, and barely managed a slow nod. She frowned as she thought about something she hadn’t considered before.</p><p>"How about maintenance?" </p><p>Sasori slowly blinked at her. His eyes were lifeless as always. "Your prosthetic will require maintenance and adjustments every six months." </p><p>She paled. How the hell was she going to do that?!</p><p>"Consider the first adjustments after you come back from the Land of Summon paid for. The others won’t be free, obviously." </p><p>"You’re such a Scrooge, yeah," Deidara said with a snicker from the other side of the room. He was applying lip-balm on the mouth on his left palm, and he winked at Sakura when he caught her looking. </p><p>"Shut up, brat," Sasori said, irritated. This was the most emotion Sakura had seen him display in their short acquaintanceship. </p><p>"No offence, Sasori-san, but I’m not paying for anything. This was already a mess and a half to organise, and I don’t fancy betraying my Village every six months." </p><p>Sasori’s eyes snapped back to hers. "You will not ruin my art," he said with disdain. </p><p>"Art is an explosion!" Deidara chimed in. Sasori and Sakura ignored him. </p><p>"I don’t really give a fuck," Sakura said flatly. Sasori narrowed his eyes.</p><p>"I should kill you for your insolence," he said. "Although you’re too small and ugly and weak to make a good puppet, I’m sure I’ll find some use for your skin and bones." </p><p>"Blow her up, yeah!" </p><p>"It would be bad for business, though," Sakura said calmly. She was in too much pain to be scared. She was too tired to give a fuck. She just wanted to be out of here. Why did she always end up in situations where she had to negotiate for her life?</p><p>"How about this?" She went on before she could second-guess herself. "If I ever hear anything about Orochimaru, about his whereabouts or whatever, I’ll pass it on to you through our contact. Then you can kill Snake Face or make a puppet out of him to add to your creepy collection. In exchange, you let me go back to Konoha alive, and we don’t have to talk to each other ever again. I’ll figure something out for the maintenance without you." </p><p>Maybe that way, both Sasori and Orochimaru would kill each other, and there would be two less creepy bastards in this world. </p><p>Sasori looked at her for a long minute. If only he could remember that human beings blinked, then maybe he would freak her out less. Maybe. </p><p>"Or I could have you as a spy in Konoha," Sasori said slowly. Sakura scoffed. "I hate to break it to you, but I’m a nobody in Konoha. I’m a chuunin, but I’m cannon-fodder. I don’t have access to sensitive information or whatever." </p><p>Sasori narrowed his eyes, but somehow he looked like he was pouting. Killing intent leaked out of him. "You’re useless," he said, frustrated. </p><p>Sakura had never been this happy she was a low-profile shinobi. </p><p>"I agree to your terms. If we ever cross paths in a fight, I’ll kill you and collect your body," Sasori said flatly. He turned his back to her. "I’m sure I’ll find a use for you once you’re dead." </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Come on, Sakura. Stop whining and get to fucking work." </p><p>Sakura groaned. Gizaman was being her usual asshole self, but Sakura wasn’t in the mood. She’d woken up with a fever and didn’t want to suffer through her rehabilitation exercises today. </p><p>"You’ll regret it if you skip today," Gizaman said flatly. </p><p>Sakura knew she was right, but she still glared at her. </p><p> </p><p>Sakura had stayed in the underground room for a couple days after Sasori had put the prosthetic on for the first time. He’d showed her how to take it off – not too painful – and how to put it on – incredibly painful and caused her body to shake with tremors for half an hour every time. Then she’d reverse-summoned herself to spend six months with the Rats. Or, more accurately, half a year, which meant half a month in the human realm, if the Rat Queen hadn't changed her mind about that. Six months was barely enough time for her to learn how to walk with her prosthetic and how to circulate chakra through it, but she didn’t have more time to spare. </p><p>She couldn’t let Konoha suspect anything. </p><p>The first month, Sakura hadn’t tried to walk, really. She’d had massages, and other exercises to ensure her muscles wouldn’t atrophy. She’d been in too much pain to do much anyway, and her nerves needed the rest. She’d worked on circulating chakra in her body with and without the prosthetic, but progress had been slow.</p><p>After that, the Rats in charge of her physiotherapy had slowly incorporated more demanding exercises. They left Sakura so tired she actually managed to sleep through her nights. </p><p>Today though, she was in a shit mood after an unusual shit night. Her nerves were connected to the prosthetic, so she could actually feel things through it. But the feelings weren’t the same as in her regular leg. She’d woken up with phantom pains in her left leg, and when she’d tried to massage the prosthetic it’d been as if her brain was struggling to recognise the limb as hers. It had taken an hour for the feeling to go away, and she was still nauseous because of it. </p><p>On top of that, she was tired of the constant pain. Her days were filled with different levels of pain, and she couldn’t stand her nerves being so raw all the time. </p><p>"I just want to feel better," Sakura said, feeling pathetic. Gizaman looked at her with calculating eyes. </p><p>"Remember why you’re doing this, brat. Remember all your humans back in your fucked up Village. I know it sucks but it’ll get better." </p><p>Sakura worried her lower lip between her teeth. It was rare for Gizaman to actually try to comfort her, and it made her want to smile. </p><p>"Thanks, Gizaman." </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Snow was falling heavily, a beautiful contrast with the black wood of the trees around them. The carriage was struggling to push through. Sakura exhaled heavily through her nose, forming a white cloud. </p><p>Home. She would be home soon. </p><p>She glanced sideways at Lady Azumi, and found her wearing her usual blank expression. Couldn’t she at least pretend to be affected by the temperature? Sakura had been circulating chakra constantly since they’d left their last inn. However there were no tenketsu in the face, or if there were, Sakura didn’t know how to circulate chakra though them. The exposed skin of her face felt ready to crack and fall from how cold it was. </p><p>She hated how slow the cold was making her. She’d never really had to endure winter this way before. She was struggling to think, her thought process sluggish and disjointed. </p><p>Maybe it was for the best. This way, she could pretend everything was fine. </p><p>This way, she could ignore the anxiety pooling in her guts. </p><p>Sakura closed her tearing eyes, only to snap them open when Lady Azumi elbowed her in the ribs. </p><p>"I am not paying you to sleep on your job," she snapped. </p><p>"My apologies," Sakura mumbled. She rolled her stiff shoulders, wishing she could massage her sore thigh. The scar tissue around the port was tight and itchy. And the joints in the prosthetic weren’t stiff, exactly, but still stiffer than they were in her flesh leg. </p><p>But she couldn’t massage her thigh. She couldn’t do anything this suspicious. No one could know about her left leg.  </p><p>Sakura sighed through her nose and prayed for time to go faster. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Konoha hadn’t changed much in the month she’d been away. The sky was low and grey when they arrived, and snow was falling heavily on the Village. Sakura made sure her client got back home safely, then she walked to Kaka-senpai’s place. She felt watched on her way there, but she’d probably just forgotten what it felt like to be in a Hidden Village. The shadows felt darker here, she knew that actual monsters hid in them.</p><p>She was looking forward to seeing Kaka-senpai again, but she couldn't help but worry. She hadn't told him about her leg. There was so much he didn't know. But Kaka-senpai's loyalty lay more with the Village than it did with her, didn't it? She didn't know.</p><p> </p><p>"Ah, Sakura, perfect timing," Kaka-senpai said from where he was standing in a corner of the room. Between them stood a giant domino show that took most of the studio floor. </p><p>"Uh," Sakura said. She didn’t know what she’d been expecting, but this wasn’t it.</p><p>"Be careful when you close the door," Kaka-senpai said as he put the last tile in place. Kaka-senpai had one arm in a sling and he looked like he hadn’t slept in days. He didn’t have his mask, and the white stubble indicated he hadn’t shaved in at least a week. He was wearing a short-sleeved tee-shirt and shorts despite the cold, and Sakura blinked at the sight. </p><p>Kaka-senpai looked up at her, and his smile looked like it hurt. "Show time," he said cheerfully. He toppled the first domino, and Sakura could only watch the tiles fall and fall until a portrait of Pakkun appeared. The tiles kept falling, until they pushed a small white ball that rolled to the centre of the room. From there, dominos fell in all directions, revealing a pattern: a giant cherry blossom. </p><p>"Welcome home, Sakura," Kaka-senpai said with a smile and his hand awkwardly raised in a wave. </p><p>Sakura could only stare in shock. The silence stretched between them, awkward. Then she started laughing. She laughed and laughed, tears falling freely from her eyes. Kaka-senpai walked to her, and she wiped her eyes. She took note of his pale skin and dark bags underneath his eyes. Kaka-senpai stared at her and swallowed heavily. Sakura sighed and hugged him. Kaka-senpai tensed at the contact.</p><p>"Thanks," she said at last, her voice muffled against her senpai’s neck. "I’m glad to be back."  </p><p>Kaka-senpai relaxed in the embrace and hugged her back. Sakura buried her frozen nose in his neck. Soon, she’d be as tall as him. Kaka-senpai smelled content, but also tired, sick and stressed out. He petted her hair gently. </p><p>She pulled back once she stopped trembling from the cold – minutes or hours later, she didn’t know. She smiled sweetly at Kaka-senpai. He licked his lips and looked away at her expression. Something was <em>off</em> with him, but she didn't know what.</p><p>"Care to tell me why you look dead on your feet, senpai? And what’s up with your arm?" </p><p>"Maa, you worry too much Sakura," Kaka-senpai said with a fake eye-smile. Sakura glared at him. He let the smile slip off his face. "I can’t tell you much. Things are finally starting to slow down. My arm is just a stress fracture, the medic nin didn’t heal it at once ‘cause he said it’d only fragilise the bone further." </p><p>"Wait… Does that mean you’re on an actual break?" </p><p>Kaka-senpai laughed. It wasn’t a happy sound. "Maa, I’m on medical leave ’til the end of the week, but after that I’m sure the Village will find some use for me." </p><p>Sakura looked away. "Ah, right, you definitely haven’t proved useful over the many years of your career." </p><p>Kaka-senpai sighed and ruffled her hair. "Let’s have dinner? I want you to tell me about your mission." </p><p>"It wasn’t anything interesting, senpai." </p><p>"Maa, don’t sell yourself short, Sakura. I’m sure you replacing your leg with a metallic one would qualify as interesting," Kaka-senpai said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. </p><p>Sakura kept her face blank. "I don’t know what you mean," she tried. She was so, so screwed. </p><p>Kaka-senpai stepped forward, invading her space. He bared his teeth at her. "Don’t lie to me, pup." </p><p>Sakura stood her ground, and Kaka-senpai growled at her. What was he, a fucking <em>dog</em>? </p><p><em>A wolf</em>, her mind provided. <em>The Hatake used to be more wolf than human</em>.</p><p>Did she want to tell him? She trusted him enough, but she wasn’t sure she wanted him to know. Genma had been alright with what she’d done, but Kaka-senpai was more loyal to the Village, wasn’t he? </p><p>She didn’t know. She didn’t know. Kaka-senpai had tried to get her to leave, and had accepted now that she wouldn’t. That didn’t mean <em>he</em> wouldn’t leave. Or betray her.</p><p>But she trusted him, didn’t she? </p><p>Kaka-senpai’s face was blank, but his eye and smell were betraying his anger and concern. Concern for her? </p><p>She didn’t <em>know</em>.</p><p>"If I tell you, you won't have the luxury of plausible deniability anymore," she said weakly.</p><p>"I don't give a fuck," he growled.</p><p>"Fine," she said. She was tired of fighting. Of fighting her own thoughts, of fighting others, of fighting the world. She was tired of pretending, of wearing masks and never saying more than half-truths.</p><p>So she told him. The same way she’d told Genma, she told him everything. Her voice was dangerously flat. She stared at Kaka-senpai straight on, watching for a reaction. His face betrayed nothing – he was better than her at repressing his feelings. </p><p>"And then I went to Sasori of the Red Sand and he made me a new leg, but that asshole wanted to charge me for future maintenance. I told him to go fuck himself, which he didn't appreciate, but we have a sort of deal now. Meaning he'll kill me on sight and he won't do my maintenance, but at least I'm alive? In exchange for a vague promise of keeping him updated if I hear anything regarding the Snake Bastard, that is."</p><p>It felt good to say it out loud. The words were less loud in her mind now that she'd shared the burden of her ugly reality. Kaka-senpai blinked, slowly, and that was his first reaction.</p><p>Sakura closed her eyes. She felt bare and empty. She just wanted to rest, to not have to worry for once. She just –</p><p>"Sakura, look at me." </p><p>Sakura opened her eyes. Green met black. Kaka-senpai slowly reached for her face, and cupped her cheek. "You’ve been incredibly brave," he said gently. "I’m sorry you had to go through this. I’m sorry you had to sacrifice so much. I’m sorry you’re hurting. But you’re not alone, alright? You’ll never have to be alone again. So whatever the hell you need, for the maintenance of your prosthetic or anything, you won't have to figure out alone."     </p><p>She was crying, she noted distantly. "Maa," Kaka-senpai said, and he looked uncomfortable but determined.</p><p>"I’m so proud of you,"  he said, and Sakura had to close her eyes at that. She was feeling too much. Kaka-senpai let her cry, his hand still cupping her cheek. </p><p>The tears stopped, eventually, and Kaka-senpai kissed her forehead. He turned around, then, breaking the moment. "Maa, let’s have dinner now," he said. Sakura smiled at his retreating back. This had probably been as overwhelming for him as it'd been for her. Kaka-senpai had never been good with feelings and emotions after all.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(Maybe it’d be alright to lean on Kaka-senpai just a little bit.)</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Report," Shimura Danzou said coldly, not looking up from the file he was reading. It was cold and humid, today, and the cold weather was hard on his old bones. </p><p>"The target arrived in Konoha around 1700, and went to Hatake Kakashi's apartment. She spent the night there, as predicted." </p><p>"Dismissed," Shimura Danzou said, satisfied. Once alone, he allowed himself a rare smile. The girl was just a girl now, but once he was through with her, she'd be the perfect tool for his plan.</p><p>"The root that grows in the dark," he said, low, although there was no one to hear him. "The unseen ones who support the great tree of Konoha from the depths of the earth."</p><p>He wouldn't let the idiotic members of the Sannin destroy his Village.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Editing this chapter somehow took me a whole month??? If not more?? wtf.<br/>I feel like the pace is a bit slow here compared to other chapters of the first part of the series, but don't get used to it hahaha<br/>Anyway, please leave me a comment if you liked this chapter :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sakura discovers that cacti are always the answer, realises that avoiding someone for two days does count as ghosting and develops a healthy hatred for barely human eldritch constructs. In that order.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, lovely people of the internet! I’m back!! <br/>Thank you for all your kind comments. They mean a lot, and they gave me motivation when I was struggling with writing this chapter :)<br/>I’ve been quite busy, but I have a rather chill couple weeks now, so I’m writing as much as I can. Hopefully it won’t take me two months to post chapter 3 ahh  <br/>So many dialogues in this chapter. I don’t know how that happened, I used to hate writing dialogues lol. I guess it’s because this chapter is a transition of sorts? Chapter 3 will be so plot-heavy omg, you guys aren’t ready for it. (Pacing? I don’t know her)</p><p>ALSO in case you hadn’t realised yet, this is an alternate universe. Like, some things from canon won’t ever happen. Some characters will never show up. And some unexpected characters might show up as well hehehe. But yeah, there won’t be any alien goddesses, and I’m pretending Madara and White Zetsu either don’t exist or are happily growing rice somewhere far away from Konoha.</p><p>That’s it for now! I hope you enjoy this chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Being back in Konoha after so long was weird. She’d only been gone for a month, and everything in the Village was the same. </p><p>But at the same, <em>she</em>’d been gone for six months, and <em>she</em> was not the same. </p><p>She’d changed so much, yet <em>nothing</em> had changed. She didn’t know why it was bothering her so much, but it kept her up at night. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Sakura," Kaka-senpai said in the middle of her third night back, when neither of them could sleep. "You haven’t been sleeping."</p><p>That was so, <em>so</em> hypocritical of him that Sakura almost snorted. Kaka-senpai didn’t sleep at night, either. Sakura had spent enough nights beside him to know he couldn’t hope for more than a couple hours of rest at once before being awoken in panic by nightmares. Sometimes he managed to fall back asleep after a while, other times he didn’t. </p><p>So, if Sakura had the decency to not ask what <em>that</em> was about –</p><p>
  <em>(Not that he’d tell her, Kaka-senpai didn’t share much about himself.)</em>
</p><p>– then, couldn’t he do her the courtesy of doing the same?</p><p>But no, he’d <em>had</em> to ask, and Sakura didn’t like not answering Kaka-senpai, because Kaka-senpai <em>cared</em>, and for so long she’d had no one who did but now that she did, she didn’t want to lose that.  </p><p>So, because he’d asked, Sakura wanted to answer, but truth was she wasn’t sure she could. She wasn’t sure she knew what was keeping her up. Her feelings and thoughts were an unorganised mess she couldn’t begin to understand. </p><p>"I’m not sure why," she started. </p><p>She paused. </p><p>She <em>really</em> didn’t know where to start, and it was starting to <em>really</em> frustrate her. Kaka-senpai shifted next to her, he pressed his shoulder against her.</p><p>Warm and solid. Real and alive. </p><p>"It’s just that, Konoha’s still the same but I’m not. I’ve been gone for six months. I did what I did, and coming back to find everything the same when so much happened to me is so fucking <em>weird</em>." </p><p>Kaka-senpai hummed. It was late into the night, late enough that this moment felt surreal, a parenthesis in her gloom reality. But it was real, Kaka-senpai’s warm arm against her didn’t let her doubt that. </p><p>Sakura didn’t want to get lost in her head again. It’d been happening too much lately. She sat up,  feeling restless. She gnawed at her lower lip and looked at Kaka-senpai. </p><p>She couldn’t see much with how dark it was, but she could tell he was looking at her, too. Waiting for her. She knew he’d wait for her the whole night. She knew he’d wait for her for as long as she needed him to, and wasn’t <em>that</em> a disquieting thought. </p><p>She sighed and lay down again, resting her head against Kaka-senpai’s shoulder. His heartbeat was slow and steady, grounding her better in the moment. She breathed in and out. Kaka-senpai put his arm around her, and started playing with her hair. The gesture was familiar now.</p><p>"It’s always hard," he said, his voice resonating in Sakura’s whole being, "to come back here when you’ve been gone. You’re asked to hurt, to kill, to die for the Village, and seeing it so peaceful when you only leave to fight and you only stay to heal enough to leave again is <em>hard</em>. It’s the sacrifice we’re asked to make, and the more you think about it, the harder it becomes to make it again and again." </p><p>He paused. </p><p>"Maa, that’s why I didn’t think about it for a long time," he admitted. "It’s easier to go with the flow, to roll with the punches and get back up and back at it as soon as you’re allowed. Thinking about it just makes it harder. And it’s not fair," he says slowly, "that some people are asked to sacrifice more, that some people aren’t protected by the system. Nothing about this system is fair."</p><p>"So how do you keep going? How do I… How do I stop feeling this way?"</p><p>Kaka-senpai was silent for a while. "I’m not sure, Pup. Sometimes you just have to keep going until you either figure out a reason to keep going, or you decide to stop."</p><p>Sakura hummed, but she didn’t know she could do that. She didn’t know she could just keep going and ignore her uneasiness. </p><p>"This fucking sucks," Sakura said flatly. Kaka-senpai didn’t say anything, but he held her tight. Sakura understood the feeling.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>The snow melted, leaving budding trees and chittering birds in its place. It was a cold day, still, when Sakura met up with Team 7, the kind of day that had farmers fear they’d lose their seedlings to frost.  </p><p> </p><p>A branch cracked. </p><p> </p><p>Well, no, it didn’t. Its chakra did, disrupted by something, someone, somehow. </p><p>Sakura whipped her head towards the sound-feeling, but there was nothing there. Just the branch of a tree in the forest. </p><p>She frowned. She really needed to work on her paranoia. Gizaman would definitely make fun of her if she saw her like that.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(Was it really paranoia when it was justified? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sakura was pretty sure she’d earned her caution, thank you very much.) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Oi, Sakura, you alright?" Naruto asked, concern clear in his voice. </p><p>Ah, Naruto. Sakura had almost missed him. Well, she <em>had</em> missed him – his simple, straight-forward way of thinking was pleasant and a nice change. Sakura associated with too many overly complicated people. </p><p>But she had not missed his lack of maturity. Maybe it wasn’t fair of her to think that when she was a whole year older than both him and Sasuke. And when she mostly hung out with adults who all had at least five years on her. Because for all the trauma both Naruto and Sasuke had dealt with in their lives, there was definitely something still very childlike, very self-absorbed about them. </p><p>Naruto-Sasuke. Sasuke-Naruto. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(Sakura had never stood a chance.)</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, I was startled by a bird or something," she said, although she knew it had not been the case. Her guts were telling her they were being watched, and not just by Kaka-senpai, but she couldn’t see nor sense anything. </p><p>She didn’t like it. She really didn’t. </p><p>"D’ya know where Kaka-sensei is? I know he’s gonna be late, ‘cause he always is, but he said he’d make an effort! ‘Cause we can’t have lunch together if he shows up at five, believe it!" </p><p>Sasuke hummed in agreement. Sakura sighed. "I dunno. He left early. He’ll show up soon, though, if he knows what’s good for him," she said. </p><p>She left out that she’d sensed him in a tree 500 meters away from them ten minutes ago and that he hadn’t moved from said tree since then. If Naruto and Sasuke didn’t have any situational awareness, then that wasn’t her problem. </p><p>"Maa, my cute little kouhai, that’s no way to talk about your senpai," Kaka-senpai drawled as he materialised behind her in a swirl of leaves. He put his arm around her shoulders. Sakura smiled at his dramatics – but only because he couldn't see her. </p><p>"Yo," he said, addressing the two boys. "My, you’ve both grown up, haven’t you?" He wiped a fake tear, not that Sakura was looking but she didn’t need to – she knew her senpai well enough by now. </p><p>Naruto and Sasuke both stared for a long moment. Sasuke repeated "kouhai…?" under his breath while Naruto just blinked a couple times. Then he pointed an accusatory finger at Kaka-senpai. </p><p>"Sensei!! We havent seen you in months! Where were you?! Aren’t you supposed to, y’know, train us?!" Naruto yelled, but it was at a more acceptable volume than it had once been. Sasuke still looked annoyed, but then, it was his default mode most days.</p><p>Or so it used to be. Sakura couldn’t say she knew much about Sasuke nowadays. But there was no point to it anymore, was there? They weren’t friends. They weren’t teammates, not in any way that mattered. They weren’t <em>anything</em>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(The realisation didn’t bother her as much as she thought it would.)</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Maa, maa, no need to get excited," Kaka-senpai said, raising both hands in a placating gesture. "The whole Village’s been rather busy, Naruto. But things are going back to normal now." </p><p>Back to normal, he’d said. Sakura could only hope it didn’t mean Team 7 would be back on missions together. She sighed. This was going to be a long day. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"So now Sas’ke and I are working together on this big project," Naruto said, spitting a bit of half-chewed noodle in the process. </p><p>"It’s so interesting, believe it! It’s like, we’re trying to design a new sort of storage scrolls that can contain a lot more! Like, enough provisions for an outpost to last a month when it’s functioning at its full capacity, y’know! It’s kinda complex, especially ‘cause the food needs to stay fresh and all, but ‘Ruka-nii helps a lot and he said we were doing good! Sas’ke is an asshole, but he has really good ideas to help with the, with the design, y’know? And it’s fun to work with him, even if he’s an asshole, believe it!" </p><p>Sakura smiled. Naruto was always so enthusiastic when talking about his passions. He’d filled out, too, in the time Sakura hadn’t seen him. Loved ones and enough food were a good look on him, she decided. </p><p>"Stop saying embarrassing things, idiot," Sasuke said with a light blush. He was looking good, too. But Sakura didn’t feel anything when she looked at him. Yes, he was nice to look at, but there was no giddiness at being close to him anymore. And wasn’t that a relief, too. </p><p>Kaka-senpai was to her left, and he looked content to just observe them with an eye-smile. Sakura felt safe with him here. She allowed herself to relax, despite the disconnect she felt with her two teammates. </p><p>Naruto went on and on about fuuinjutsu and how great it was to work with Sasuke and "‘Ruka-nii", Sasuke interjecting from time to time. It was great to see them again, it really was, but then their voices started to drift to background noise. Slowly, her smile slipped from her face, and it was too late by the time she realised it.</p><p>She tried to put her focus back on the conversation, she really did. She looked at their faces, pink with life and happiness, their skin unblemished and healthy. She looked at their mouths that could so easily turn to smiles or frowns, that were yet to learn to hide their true feelings. </p><p>How could they be so naive, so innocent still? How could they see the Village and not notice everything that was wrong with it? How the fuck could they not want to burn it to the ground? </p><p>It made her blood boil, her insides burn with something like rage and grief. She breathed in, and out, but the feeling didn’t go away. She had no idea what Naruto was talking about anymore. The words weren’t registering in her brain.</p><p>She felt cold, all of the sudden. What was she doing here? She wanted to get out. To leave them and their bright smiles behind before she did something she’d regret. </p><p>Kaka-senpai shifted next to her, and she blinked against her thoughts. Naruto and Sasuke were still talking, and Kaka-senpai was still eye-smiling, but she could tell he’d notice her slip-up.</p><p> </p><p><em>(Her </em>teammates<em> had not.)</em></p><p> </p><p>"Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun, my cute little genin, it was good seeing you again," Kaka-senpai said, standing up. "But Sakura and I have a meeting now." Sakura stood up on auto-pilot. "I’ll let my cute little students invite their old sensei," Kaka-senpai said cheerily. Sakura breathed in and out and faced Naruto and Sasuke. </p><p>"Sorry we have to leave early," she said with a (mostly not fake) smile. It was good, seeing them agaig, even if it hurt somehow. She’d do better next time, she vowed. Naruto was her friend, still. And she could play nice with Sasuke, too.</p><p>"I’ll see you guys around," she said. "And you guys better train hard for the next chuunin exam!" </p><p>"I’ll be a chuunin in no time, believe it Sakura!" </p><p>Sakura smiled, it was easier to do so this time. "I’m sure you will, Naruto. Take care, you two." </p><p>Sasuke hummed, his gaze too intense on her. Sakura doubted he could see through her, though. He didn’t know her well enough for that. At most, he could tell something was off, maybe. </p><p>She smiled and waved one last time, then they were out of the ramen shop. The smile slipped from her face as soon as they were out.</p><p> </p><p>"Thanks," Sakura said once they were back home. Kaka-senpai hummed. "Maa, I do need to talk to you about something, might as well do it now," he said, taking off his mask with a sigh. "Are you alright, though?"</p><p>"Yes, don’t worry about it. Sorry we had to leave early, senpai." She didn’t want to address this now. Maybe later, when she understood her feelings better. </p><p>Sakura slumped on the sofa, and Kaka-senpai joined her. They both sighed in unison as their backs popped.</p><p>"Gods, I’m old too now," she said, massaging her sore thigh. The cold weather was hard on her body.</p><p>"That’s what I get for spending so much time with an old man like you. You’ve contaminated me." </p><p>Kaka-senpai nudged her with his foot. "Maa, where’s the respect for your senpai?" </p><p>Sakura raised an eyebrow but didn’t bother answering. That lunch had tired her more than she thought it would. More than was rational, too. She frowned at her thigh. </p><p>"I could massage it for you," Kaka-senpai said, breaking the silence. Sakura blinked slowly. That would imply a lot of <em>touching</em>. Skin on skin, as well. </p><p>And, well, she was tired, a bit upset, but Kaka-senpai was yet to let her down, wasn’t he? She shrugged and took off her pants. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(Modesty had become a distant concept. What was a bit of flesh when you weren’t unlikely to see the innards of a partner on a mission?)</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She winced slightly as she took off the prosthetic. It wasn’t painful, per se, not like putting it on was, but it was still unpleasant. Kaka-senpai glanced at the artificial limb, which didn’t look like a real one anymore, now that it was disconnected from her chakra system. He didn’t comment on it, though.</p><p>He went to the bathroom and came back with a towel and some massage oil, then started working on her thigh. His hands were rough and cold, but the contact wasn’t unpleasant. Sakura relaxed on the sofa, and sighed again. </p><p>They stayed there in silent for a while. Kaka-senpai was the one who wanted to talk, so Sakura would wait for him to be ready. </p><p>"Maa," Kaka-senpai said, once done with the massage. It had hurt, but the muscles were less tense now. Sakura thanked him quietly, Kaka-senpai shrugged it off.</p><p>He sighed though his nose, and turned his head to look at her. Sakura had never seen him this visibly affected by something."Remember when I said I care about you?" </p><p>His voice was strained, pained almost. He smelled vaguely anxious, too. </p><p>"Yeah," she said, frowning. "You said you’d never mention it again, though." </p><p>"Yet here we are." He laughed, the sound weak. "I… appreciate our… relationship," he said, not looking at her. Sakura had no idea where this was going. "And I do care about you." </p><p>He stopped, rubbed his face harshly. "Ah, fuck this." </p><p>He stood up and retrieved an envelope from one of the drawers. </p><p>"Just," he said, paused. He sighed and handed her the envelope. "Just read the forms." </p><p>Puzzled, Sakura took the envelope and did just that. </p><p>Then she re-read them. Then she re-read them again, just to be sure. When the forms, and the names written on them, didn’t change, she blinked and looked up at Kaka-senpai. He was still standing, awfully tense and not even pretending to be nonchalant about this. </p><p>She licked her lips. "You want me to be your apprentice… and your partner," she said, slowly. </p><p>"Yes," he said. <br/> <br/>"Why?"</p><p>She didn’t understand. The apprenticeship, she might have, but she knew Kaka-senpai <em>hated</em> being a sensei. She knew their relationship as teacher-student had failed. She didn’t understand why he would want to try again. </p><p>And she had no idea what to do with the… the <em>partnership</em>. </p><p>Kaka-senpai sat back down on the sofa. He looked at her for a long time, and when he spoke again, he didn’t sound as hesitant as he had before.</p><p>"You’d still be my kouhai, and I’d still be your senpai. Maa, I won’t pretend this won’t change things, but, to be candid, you need the protection. You’re the first of your year to become a chuunin, alongside the Nara heir. It’s fine for now, chuunin are not as scrutinised as jounin, but you might still garner unwanted attention."</p><p>Sakura knew this to be true. She was painfully aware of her standing in society as a civilian-born shinobi. "So, you’re doing this to protect me," she said, her voice flat. She didn’t know how to feel about it. She appreciated the fact that he cared enough to do something so big, just to protect her. She was self-aware enough to know she couldn’t afford to pass up on something like this. </p><p>It was just that… It was another reminder of her failings, of her being less than most. Not that she could do anything about this, but still. It hurt a bit. </p><p>"Yes and no," Kaka-senpai answered. "If my only concern was your protection, an apprenticeship would have been more adequate, or you could have become a ward of the Hatake clan." </p><p>His eye was intent on her, scrutinising her face. What Kaka-senpai was looking for, she didn’t know. </p><p>"But I don’t want us to go back to a sensei-student relationship. Maa, I don’t want you to be my ward either. That’s why I want us to be partners, too. As my apprentice, I’ll teach you and help you improve. As my partner, I expect you to have my back, the same way I’ll have yours." </p><p>It was unlike Kaka-senpai to be so forward. This whole conversation was weird, and left Sakura wrong-footed. </p><p>The silence stretched between them. Kaka-senpai looked away. "Take some time to think about it," he said, his voice flatter than it had been. His face was blank, Sakura couldn’t tell what he was thinking. </p><p>Sakura looked at the forms in her hand. She really ought to say something, but the words wouldn’t come. Gods, she hated surprises. </p><p>Kaka-senpai stood up, and Sakura grabbed his hand. She breathed in and out. "Thank you," she said, her voice hoarse. "Thank you so much for this, it’s just, fuck, it’s just that it’s a lot." </p><p>Kaka-senpai looked at her and ruffled her hair. "Maa, like I said, take some time to think about it. We could figure out something else. "This," he said, gesturing at the forms with his free hand, "would mean being stuck together for the foreseeable future, it’s not a decision you should rush."</p><p>Sakura huffed a laugh at that. "I’m the one who should be asking if you’re sure, then, senpai. I’ve already told you, I’m not going anywhere."  </p><p>Kaka-senpai’s shoulders relaxed minutely at that. "Yeah, I know, Pup," he said with a small smile.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I hope you are still alive. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Are we friends? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It was six in the morning and Sakura had got back from a border patrol a couple hours ago. It was way too early for cryptic, falcon-delivered missives. It had taken Sakura almost two hours to figure out the encryptage, whose key was Cactus, for some reason. The only hint had been a coffee stain, which vaguely looked like a cactus, and Sakura had been desperate enough to try it as a key. </p><p>Sakura was pretty sure the missive had been sent by Gaara. Who else? She didn’t have any other friends or acquaintances outside the Village.</p><p>But this was a problem for less-sleep-deprived Sakura. She folded the paper in two, put it in her pocket and went to sleep. </p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sakura started picking the lock, ignoring the tingling feeling in the back of her neck that kept telling her she was being watched. She’d checked countless times, both with classic sensing and senjutsu, and there was nothing. She trusted her guts, she did, but she was started to suspect this wasn’t what was happening here.</p><p>Most likely, everything that had happened in the past year was finally taking its full toll on her psyche, the way the Rat Queen had warned her about, but she’d rather not think about it just yet. What if the shadows appeared thicker to her than they truly were? Paranoia had never killed anyone, <em>right</em>?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(What if the shadows crept up on her and suffocated her at night? What if the shadows had claws and she woke up with her neck covered in scratches, dry blood under her fingernails?</em>
</p><p><em>Nightmares had never killed anyone, </em>right<em>?)</em></p><p> </p><p>She breathed in and out, her eyes slowly refocusing on her hands. She spent a good fifteen minutes disarming the complex system of booby traps, and she finally made her way inside. She’d developed a crick in the neck, and her wandering mind had put her in the shit mood. She went to the kitchen, brewed some coffee and settled at the kitchen table to wait. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Squirrel," Genma greeted her an hour later. "Catch," he said, throwing her something. </p><p>Sakura caught it automatically and stared at the key in her hand. "Hm, thanks?" </p><p>"Can’t have you break in every time you come," Genma said with a yawn. He poured himself a cup of coffee, added milk and sugar like the heathen he was and sat down heavily at the table. He put down Trusty Senbon #34 and took a sip. </p><p>"Are you alright? Please don’t tell me you’ve done something stupid and life-threatening again," he said. </p><p>Sakura pouted. "Can’t I just check up on you? We haven’t hung out much lately." She did miss Genma. They hadn’t been able to spend much time together since the Invasion, and that had been half a year ago. </p><p>"Yeah, tell me about it. Are you going to stay at Kakashi’s for good? ‘Cause a studio is hardly enough room for two people."</p><p>Sakura considered this. Truth was, Kaka-senpai and she were rarely there at the same time. But Genma had a point. "Can’t we all live together? That way it’d be easier to spend time together!" </p><p>She'd never thought about it before, but the idea of all her loved ones living in the same place was an alluring one.</p><p>Genma laughed. "I’m not sure Kakashi would be on board with that. That’s something you should discuss with him, don’t you think?" </p><p>Sakura pouted. Why did he have to be all reasonable like this? "Fair enough, but, like, would you actually want to live with us? ‘Cause I’m not having another fucking heartfelt conversation with Kaka-senpai any time soon if I can avoid it."</p><p>Genma turned to properly look at her. "I’d love to live with you again, squirrel. I wouldn’t mind having the opportunity to annoy Kakashi more often as well."</p><p>He paused. The smirk that graced his face then promised nothing good for Sakura, and she shivered. "I am also very interested in that heartfelt conversation you mentioned. Care to tell me about it?" </p><p>Sakura looked away, pouting. "Kaka-senpai wants me to be his apprentice and partner. He filled the forms and all, asked me if I’d be interested, like it wasn’t a fucking honour or something." </p><p>Genma’s smirk turned into a smile, but it was too hungry to be happy. "Did he, now? He’s real invested in you, isn’t he?" </p><p>Sakura frowned. "Don’t make it weird, Genma. It’s not like that. He’s just looking out for me, I guess."</p><p>Genma sobered. "I just want to make sure he has good intentions. It’s not like he always treated you well."</p><p>"I haven’t forgotten," Sakura said flatly. How could she? Some days she wondered how she could trust Kaka-senpai at all. Kakashi-sensei hadn’t deserved her trust. Kaka-sensei she’d come to appreciate as a person. But Kaka-senpai she could truly rely on, couldn’t she? He was yet to let her down, and, she could admit it, she didn’t think he would.</p><p>"Thanks for caring, but it’s alright, yeah. I mean, feel free to threaten him if you’d like, I know you’re into that kind of shit."</p><p>Genma smiled, and it was genuine this time. "You know me well." </p><p>He finished his cup and looked at her. "So tell me," he said, his voice softer. "If it’s not his intentions you’re worried about, what’s wrong?" </p><p>Sakura gnawed at her lower lip. Genma always read her a bit too well. But she’d come here for advice, hadn’t she? </p><p>"I’m scared, I guess." She looked down at her empty mug. It was deep blue, Genma had bought it for her when she’d first started staying at his place. It was a good mug. </p><p>"Like you said, Kaka-senpai and I didn’t always have the best relationship. I don’t want us to have a shit relationship again. I like things the way they are now." </p><p>Sakura looked up. Genma’s brown eyes were as warm and attentive as always. "What do you think?" </p><p>Genma picked his senbon up and brought it to his mouth. "I guess there’s a risk your relationship’ll be affected. But who’s to say it’d be for the worst? Change is scary, Squirrel, but it’s part of life." </p><p>He played with his senbon, looking pensive. "I can’t tell you it’ll be alright. You don’t have to do it, but maybe a bit of structure could be good for you two. You’d have to dedicate some time to spend together to train and take missions. It’d teach you to trust each other in a different way from now."</p><p>"But you don’t have to want that. Not wanting to jeopardise your relationship makes sense and is totally valid. It’s up to you, really."</p><p>Sakura gnawed at her lower lip again. Genma always had this way to make things much clearer, and talking with him invariably helped her make sense of her jumbled thoughts. </p><p>"Thank you, Genma. I think I’ll do it, even if it <em>is</em> scaring me. Yeah." She paused. "Fuck," she said putting her head in her hands. "Why do I feel like I’m signing my life away? Or getting married? It’s just so <em>weird</em>." </p><p>Genma laughed. "Honestly, volunteering to be Kakashi’s partner is basically signing your life away. This is a pretty big commitment."</p><p>Sakura groaned. </p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Gizaman appeared in a puff of smoke, ready to fight. She scanned her surroundings quickly, but she didn’t relax when she found no threat. </p><p>"Is it safe?" She asked. </p><p>They were in an abandoned buildings, just before the seals that delimited Akasen. The setting sun, through the few windows that weren’t sealed off by rotten planks, streamed its yellow light in the dilapidated room. Dust particles were dancing in the beams of light. The walls were covered in tags, but if they meant anything, Sakura couldn’t tell. </p><p>"Just mind your steps," she said. The floor was a mess of rubble, glass shards from alcohol bottles and broken windows, and syringes. Gizaman relaxed minutely, before wrinkling her face in a grimace. Her small eyes glinted with annoyance. </p><p>Not even a minute in, and Gizaman was already in a shit mood. Typical. </p><p>"Well then, why did you summon me in this shit hole? It fucking reeks of death and filth here. You humans really have no standards." </p><p>"Hello to you too, Gizaman. I’d been feeling weirdly light lately, and I realised it’s ‘cause you haven’t been around to be a pain in my ass." </p><p>Gizaman snorted and lit a cigarette. Sakura didn’t know why they had to have this bout of banter every time they met, but she’d come to enjoy it. </p><p>Their relationship was a simple one. Although neither were openly affectionate, they’d gone through hell together. Their bond, forged through the gods awful training the Rats had put them through, was one she cherished. </p><p>Gizaman took a long drag and sat on a crate. "How’ve you been, brat? How you holding up, what with being back in this Village and all?" The way she said Village made it sound like a swear word of its own. </p><p>Sakura threw Gizaman a tin box. Gizaman opened it, sniffed its content and let out a satisfied grunt. Sakura was glad the tea she’d chosen was to her liking. </p><p>"I got it in Yoshida," Sakura said. "And to answer your question, adjusting is hard. But I’m keeping myself busy, so that’s that."</p><p>Gizaman hummed, her eyes intent on her, reading her. Sakura let her.</p><p>"Kaka-senpai wants me to be his partner-apprentice, which is, um, nice I guess, but mostly scary as hell ‘cause it’s such a big commitment. I kinda hate the Village ‘cause everything about this system is so unfair it makes me want to explode stuff. And Gaara, that’s, uh, that’s my murderous, uh, acquaintance, the one with crazy killing intent, and, he sent me a message?" </p><p>"Sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate." </p><p>Sakura sighed and sat down next to Gizaman, avoiding a weird stain she didn’t want to look at too closely. "Yeah. Can I show you?"</p><p>Sakura gave her the deciphered message, and Gizaman laughed. "I like him," she said. "At least he doesn’t beat around the bush."</p><p>Sakura laughed, and just talking was already making her feel less overwhelmed about… Well, about everything. "Yeah, I’m not sure what to answer though? Like ‘Still alive, but for how long lol? Yeah we’re friends, if you want to be. Let’s hang out soon’? It kinda sucks, doesn’t it? I don’t know how friendships work, really." </p><p>Gizaman blew her smoke in a ring. She looked content, and her quiet smoking was calming Sakura’s nerves. "Brat, as long as you mean it, say whatever you want. Just encrypt it properly. A Rat could deliver it for you, if you’d like." </p><p>Sakura considered this. Truth was, Gizaman was the only Rat she’d ever summoned. She’d interacted with other Rats in the Land of Rats, but she’d never tried to summon more. She’d try later, she decided. </p><p>"Thanks, Gizaman," Sakura said with a smile. "Now tell me, how have you been?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>"There," Genma said, putting a protein bar in Sakura’s waiting hand. </p><p>Sakura was not avoiding Kaka-senpai. She was <em>not</em>. She was a responsible adult, obviously she wouldn’t avoid her home just because she was scared to commit to something potentially life-changing. </p><p>Alright, maybe she was avoided him just a little, and she did feel like a coward, but she was pretty sure Kaka-senpai wasn’t in the Village anyways. </p><p>
  <em>(It wasn’t him she’d seen from afar at the Memorial Stone a few hours earlier. There were other silver-haired shinobi in the Village, weren’t there? And Kaka-senpai wasn’t on leave anymore, was he?)</em>
</p><p>It’d only been two days anyways, which absolutely did not count as avoidance yet. </p><p>"I’m loving the running away from your fiancé vibe we got going on," Anko said with a smirk. She retrieved some dango from gods knew where and started munching on it. </p><p>"Don’t make it sound like I’m getting married, I’m freaking out enough as it," Sakura said, biting angrily in her protein bar. "You kinda are, though," Anko said. Her face was serious, and Sakura bit back an angry reply. </p><p>"Partners are serious business. It’s not like a genin team becoming a fixed unit. It means ‘I saw this person, and went out of my way to work with them and now I want to be committed to them and work with them whenever possible’. It’s the professional equivalent of getting married. Except being a shinobi is more of a way of life than most jobs." </p><p>"Holy hell," Sakura said, even more freaked out. This was so big, she had no idea how Kaka-senpai had managed to tell her about it at all. Admittedly, he’d been the opposite of nonchalant for once, but still. She could give him that, she didn’t know she had the courage to ever do such a thing. </p><p>Or maybe she did. She supposed reverse-summoning yourself to become strong enough to protect your loved ones was on the same level of insanity as what Kaka-senpai had come up with to protect her.</p><p>"See, that’s why I can’t just go back home and pretend everything’s the same," she said, because as much as she understood his reasons, it was still overwhelming. "It’s just too fucking much!" </p><p>Genma hummed. "It’s not very nice to ghost Kakashi, though. You can’t leave him hanging for too long, Squirrel." </p><p>Anko snorted. She put Sakura in a headlock, which was all sorts of gross with how sweaty they were from training. "Yeah, <em>Squirrel</em>," Anko said, ignoring Sakura’s cries of protest. "It’s fucking rude. We taught you better, didn’t we?" </p><p>Sakura sighed. "I’ll go back tonight," she conceded.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"I’m home," Sakura called as she opened the door. Kaka-senpai stood up from the sofa, took a step forward then stopped awkwardly.</p><p>"Welcome back," he said with a fake eye-smile. Sakura cringed at his expression. She knew, then, that she had fucked up with her not-quite-ghosting-yet. He looked like he hadn’t slept since the last time she’d seen him. And, knowing him, he probably hadn’t.</p><p>She offered him the plastic bag she was carrying. They both ignored how her hands were trembling with nerves. "I bought dinner. We’re watching a movie tonight. Then we’re talking about how I’m going to become your partner-apprentice. And I’ll apologise for freaking out and ghosting you a bit, yeah. I mean, if you want? For the movie. ‘Cause obviously it’s alright if you don’t."</p><p>Kaka-senpai smiled at her, then, and how genuine it looked made her smile in kind. He seemed to realise what he was doing, but it was like he couldn’t stop smiling. He looked away. His ears were pink. "Maa, did you have a movie in mind?"</p><p>Sakura allowed the deflection. Neither of them were ready to talk about her accepting his offer yet. </p><p>"Yeah, I borrowed one from Genma. It’s a horror movie, I’ve never watched one before. Maybe it’ll be funny or something? It’s not like we’re gonna be scared by a movie anyway." </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Maa, Sakura-chan, my cute kouhai, I am <em>never</em> letting you choose what we’re watching ever again."</p><p>"I’m so sorry, senpai. Gods, it was so fucked up. Who wrote this shit, Orochimaru?"</p><p>Who would have thought horror movies could be so scary? Sakura was regretting many of her life choices. She was never underestimating the power of civilians to make scary, gruesome things ever again. </p><p><em>(She was also kind of worried about Genma’s mental health. People who watched this kind of shit for fun couldn’t be </em>okay<em>.)</em></p><p>A door slammed somewhere in the building, making them both jump. Kaka-senpai groaned. "Let’s make hot chocolate. Maybe it’ll help us relax."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sakura warmed her hands on her cup. "Alright," she said. She looked at Kaka-senpai to let him know she was sincere. "Senpai, I’m very sorry I ghosted you. It’s just, it’s a big commitment, right? I got overwhelmed. So I just avoided you, which was shitty of me." </p><p>Kaka-senpai hummed. "I thought you wanted to talk about the partnership-apprenticeship first?" </p><p>Sakura shrugged. "I mean, I’ll do it. I knew I’d do it from the start, I just needed time to come to terms with that. It’s such a big commitment, senpai! How are <em>you</em> not freaking out? I thought being our sensei was already a lot for you. You do realise this is fucking huge, right?" </p><p>Kaka-senpai looked at his hands. "I think it’s time I try and protect what’s mine. And <em>you</em> are mine." </p><p>She blinked at him. A warm feeling spread in her chest.</p><p>"I’m not an object. You don’t own me, senpai." She didn’t know why she objected. She liked being Kakashi’s, like Ino’s sensei had said. </p><p>"You’re Pack," Kaka-senpai said, looking at her. His eye was boring into her very soul. </p><p>"You’re mine," he repeated. His possessiveness was reassuring, somehow. She understood what he meant: she didn’t belong <em>to</em> him, but as Pack, she belonged <em>with</em> him. He would fight for her, provide for her, show her trust and support. </p><p>"And you’re mine too," she said, tasting the words for the first time. She smiled at the feeling. She belonged with him, and they belonged together, with Genma and Tenzou and hopefully, some day, Anko. </p><p> </p><p>Pack. She’d had a go at family, and it hadn’t worked well for her. Maybe a Pack was what she needed. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(They didn’t sleep that night. The hot chocolate did little to calm their nerves, so they talked about nothing and everything until the wee hours of the morning.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sakura could get use to this.)</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>"Yosh, Sakura-chan!"</p><p>Sakura looked up from where she was sprawled on the ground, sweaty and exhausted. "Uh," she said, her brain struggling to process the expanse of green spandex. Remembering herself, she bowed awkwardly. "Maito-sensei. How are you?"</p><p>Maito-sensei grinned at her. "You may call me Gai-sensei, Sakura-chan. It is a splendid day for training, and your youthfulness shines through your dedication and hard work this glorious morning!"</p><p>Had she been with Kaka-senpai, or anyone, really, Sakura wouldn’t have been wary of this conversation. But Gai-sensei had approached her on the isolated training ground she favoured for her early morning work-out, and she couldn’t begin to understand why he’d seek her out. </p><p>Part of her wanted to humour him and try to figure out what he wanted through their awkward small talk. Mostly though, she wanted him to get to the fucking point. </p><p>But then, she’d felt watched lately. She hadn’t forgotten the branch that had cracked that day with Naruto and Sasuke. She hadn’t forgotten that the shadows felt too thick to be natural these days. </p><p>So she breathed in, breathed out, and put on her most innocent customer smile. "It truly is, isn’t it sensei? Are you here to train as well?" <em>What the hell do you want</em>, she screamed internally. </p><p>Gai-sensei’s booming laugh resonated around them. "Yosh, I was coming back from my daily morning run when I spotted your youthful form! As the young student of my beloved rival, I wanted to commend you for your youthful endeavour!" </p><p>"Thank you, sensei! Do you have any advice for me? I want to become strong like you!" <em>Come on, tell me the fuck this is about</em>, she lamented inwardly. </p><p>"A strong shinobi works hard every day to never stray from the path of improvement! You are on the right track, Sakura-chan! Follow your dreams, look up to the stars for how high you need to aim!" </p><p>His gaze was really intense on her, and Sakura focused hard not to miss a word. "But if you forget to look around from time to time, you might trip on a root and stumble on your way up." </p><p>Sakura paled at his words. Her heart skipped a beat. She wanted to shake him, to ask him what he knew. </p><p>But Gai-sensei was already leaving with a grin and some more words of encouragement, and Sakura was left with nothing but a bone-deep panic that was twisting her guts and threatening to swallow her completely. </p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>"It’s been a while," the Green Spirit said pleasantly. Sakura had put on her mask and put Gai-sensei’s words out of her mind for now. The Green Spirit had a meeting with Karin, Sakura would have plenty of time to freak out later.</p><p>Karin didn’t answer. The Green Spirit froze. </p><p>It wasn’t Karin. The person’s hair was red alright, but it wasn’t the right shade. The Green Spirit would know, both they and Sakura liked to admire it, especially when the sun was shining right on it, and Karin looked like she was a Goddess ready to set all her opposants aflame. </p><p>So it wasn’t Karin, and if the Green Spirit had paid attention, they’d have noticed that the chakra signature was all sorts of wrong, they’d have noticed that this was a genjutsu. They didn’t blame themselves, it was an intricate one and they hadn’t been that on guard for this kind of attacks. They were in Akasen, no one was supposed to be able to use chakra. As it was, the Green Spirit couldn’t use chakra to shunshin away. </p><p>Still, they tried to leave, but they soon realised they were trapped. The fake Karin had activated seals around them and the Green Spirit couldn’t move at all anymore. They couldn’t fucking move.</p><p>The fake Karin walked up to them and injected something in their neck. As their consciousness faded, their last thought was that they were truly, utterly fucked. </p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>The first thing Sakura noticed when she opened her eyes was not that she was tied to a chair, nor was it the unnatural silence that was already suffocating her. It was not the high ceiling, the dampness of the air, the coldness that made her realise she was underground. It was not her heavy eyelids nor was it her stiff neck and her uncovered face. No, the first thing she noticed was the chakra abomination that was standing not even ten meters away from her. </p><p>"Sakura, née Haruno Sakura before being disowned. Thirteen years old, chuunin, one of the only two of her year to be promoted, and after less than a year as a genin. Civilian-born. ID number 37-199757. Jounin sensei: Hatake Kakashi. Teammates: Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto." </p><p>The voice paused. Sakura didn’t want to know how such an abomination could talk. She tried to swallow but her throat was parched and she choked. She coughed and coughed until she got kicked in the ribs for it.</p><p>Everything hurt and her thoughts were sluggish. She didn’t know where she was, who or what was talking.</p><p>She was truly, utterly fucked. </p><p>"No specialisation yet. Above average in sensing, chakra control, wakizashi fighting and chemistry. Average in taijutsu, with other weapons and in genjutsu. Below average in ninjutsu. Am I wrong?" </p><p>Sakura didn’t answer. The chakra abomination sounded like an old man. Why was it always old men who tried to hurt her?</p><p>"I am not," they went on. "But there is a fact that does not appear in your file. You are also the Green Spirit, a criminal who has been operating in Akasen for the past few years." </p><p>Panic blinded her and she forgot to breathe. So this was it. Someone (<em>something?</em>) had found out at last. This was the end of her career, of her life maybe. </p><p>She was trembling hard, now. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t do anything.</p><p>She was completely powerless.</p><p> </p><p>The abomination walked to her, her eyes tracked their slow steps. Belatedly, she remembered to breathe. She wasn’t sure she wanted to. Dying here and now might be a kinder fate than whatever this <em>creature</em> had planned for her. </p><p>There wasn’t much light, but Sakura committed their face to memory. The upper and right parts of it were covered in bandages. They had spiky black hair and an X-shaped scar on the chin. Their skin was thick and pale.</p><p>There was something so <em>wrong</em> about them, about their chakra flow. The right part of their face and their right arm, which was in a bind of sorts and covered by their kimono, felt so vile, so abnormal it was all she could do not to throw up. The arm in particular was a monstrous amalgam of different chakra signatures, bound together in another chakra construct. It all felt angry and pained, the different energies conflicting and flaring against one another. Sakura's insides protested at the sight. </p><p>Still, somehow, now that they were closer, Sakura could tell they were supposed to be human. That they probably had been, once. She wondered if they had done this themselves or if they had been experimented on.</p><p>In any case, this <em>man</em> was not to be fucked with. </p><p><em>Well</em>, she reasoned, <em>a bit too late for that maybe</em>. </p><p>"Now tell me, child, what are you willing to do to atone for your crimes against the Village?" </p><p>Sakura sat up. She breathed in and out. "What do you suggest?" She kept her voice flat and even. This was just like negotiating with Sasori-san. It’d be best to keep it professional or she’d die here. </p><p>She ignored the panic that was threatening to choke her. Her head was throbbing with pain. She wondered briefly how long she’d been unconscious for. Tears gathered in her eyes, and she bit her cheek until the coppery taste of blood invaded her mouth.</p><p>She breathed in and out. She was tied to a chair, but she wasn’t. She’d taken a step back, and she felt calm at last.</p><p>The man narrowed his eye. "Do you know who I am?" </p><p>Sakura didn’t think she’d ever seen him before. He sounded important and full of himself, and, if Sakura had to guess, she would say he was part of the council. "I do not, sir."</p><p>He pushed her chin up with his cane and Sakura fought not to snarl. "I am Shimura Danzou, council member of the Village of the Leaf. I am the Protector of the Village, I created a group of unseen ones who support the great tree of Konoha from the depths of the earth." </p><p>This sounded like a cult, and Sakura could not wait to be out of here. </p><p>"I am the Leader of Root." </p><p>All blood left her face. So <em>this</em> was Root. This was the Organisation who’d financed the horrifying research the Snake Asshole had conducted. This was what Gai-sensei had warned her about. She didn’t know how he’d known, but that was something she’d think about later.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(Sakura really didn’t want to know what was up with Shimura’s chakra after all.)</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"You have potential, child. But this Village is too weak to train you properly. You will join Root for a trial period of three months. During this trial period, your true value will be assessed. If you prove yourself useful, you will find a place within Root." </p><p>She licked her lips. "What if I refuse?" </p><p>The man raised his chin and smacked her with his cane. Heat and pain bloomed in her cheek. She spat blood. </p><p>"You associate with Mitarashi Anko, correct?" </p><p>Fear spread like poison in her veins, and Sakura decided then and there that Shimura would have to die. No one threatened her loved ones. No fucking one. </p><p>"Mitarashi-kun has the bad habit to experiment with substances in Akasen. It would be a shame if she were to have an accident some day, wouldn’t it?"</p><p>He paused, his eye glinting with satisfaction. She wanted stab it with a kunai and see how he liked it. She was sure the soft pop of his eyeball exploding would sound like music to her ears. She could almost hear it already. She fought a bloodthirsty smile at the thought.</p><p>"Do not be so foolish as to think you can warn or protect her. A word to her, and I’ll send her on a mission she won’t come back from. Konoha has no use for traitors, in any case."</p><p>Sakura licked her cracked lips. She clenched her jaw hard, she couldn’t let her fury get the best of her.</p><p>She used her last trump card. </p><p>"You can’t keep me. I’m Hatake Kakashi’s apprentice and partner. He won’t let you take me." </p><p>Shimura’s gaze turned cold. Sakura shivered.</p><p> </p><p>The room was silent, all she could hear was her heart beating too strong and fast in her chest.</p><p> </p><p>A bead of cold sweat made its way down her temple.</p><p> </p><p>"You’re lying," he said. </p><p> </p><p>"Kakashi-senpai submitted the file two days ago. It’s already been approved." </p><p> </p><p>The silence stretched for a long minute. Shimura looked at her with a blank face. She felt like an ant under a magnifying glass. Like Shimura was about to burn her alive just to see how she’d react, just because he could. Panic flared in her guts. </p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t <em>move</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Shimura narrowed his eye and the moment broke. He was clearly unhappy with the news, and Sakura was scared of what he’d do to her if she proved herself useless to him. Or worse, if she proved herself to be a liability. </p><p>He pushed her chin up with his cane once more, and it almost felt intimate, like a caress. Her skin erupted in goosebumps. His eyes were cold, empty. She had no doubt he could kill her right now and never think about it again, never feel remorse for it.</p><p> </p><p>She was expecting it when the cane hit her this time. </p><p> </p><p><em>(And it hit her. </em>Shimura<em> hit her. And he hit her again. And he hit her again and again. </em></p><p>
  <em>She was expecting it but it still hurt. It still hurt like hell.)</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Sakura groaned as she slowly regained consciousness. Her eyes flew open and she sat up. Where was she?</p><p>She was home, she realised. She touched her face, and it didn’t hurt. She frowned. Had this all been a dream…? </p><p>She got up on trembling legs, a headache blinded her for a second. She blinked slowly, got a better look at her surroundings. Kaka-senpai wasn’t home.</p><p>She went to the kitchen, using the walls for support. She switched the light on. A white mask was waiting for her on the table, reflecting the light like a beacon, and she knew. </p><p>It hadn’t been a dream. </p><p>
  <em>It hadn’t been a dream. </em>
</p><p>She grabbed the mask with shaking hands, tears blurring her vision. She remembered now.</p><p> </p><p>Shimura had left her alone after beating the shit out of her. He’d looked at her, disgust clear on his face as he’d called a medic-nin. He’d told her the trial period still stood, since the order predated the approval of the partnership-apprenticeship. </p><p>"I’ll make you see reason," he’d said, his eyes cold as ice. "I have three months to make you sign the transfer papers."</p><p>He’d paused, and Sakura had forced her eyes to stay open. </p><p> </p><p>"You belong in Root."</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!<br/>In the next chapter... Root!Sakura ^^ <br/>Poor Sakura deserves a break. I updated the tags with "it gets worse before it gets better", because it will get better! Eventually! <br/>Let me know if you liked this chapter :) Take care!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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